


Take a deep breath

by Pandigital



Series: 100 ways to say I love you. [17]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, Modern Thedas, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 14:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5167379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandigital/pseuds/Pandigital
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take a deep breath and pretend you're somewhere else. Someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take a deep breath

The dream is never different. It just happens to be different in a subtle way each time. Sometimes it is nothing but the voice, angry and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Other times it is a foggy image like it is being seen under water. No audio, but the pain is still felt. Anders still has a few scars. This time, the dream is in stunning IMAX setting.

Like the life he was living now was the memory and the memory of hell was his life he was living. He is slapped across the face, right into the wall by the kitchen counter. The fridge on his left side. He is trapped and he knows it. His old lover paces like a demon in front of him. Justice, the poor kitty, is hiding under a chair and crying out in fear. The demon never yells, but his voice is still like thunder to Anders.

He slams his fist on the counter and Anders recoils as the the demons snarls at him, “I told you didn’t I? I told you that Hawke and his friends didn’t get to come to my house and eat my food and use all of my shit?! DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT?!”

Anders tries to melt into the wall, “I know! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Not yet you’re not.” the demon says and grabs him by his upper arm and drags him away from the wall before he starts to shake him. The touch is too real and Anders gives a loud gasps and he is pulled from the memory. Justice is above him, those blue eyes watching and he gives a small meow. Anders turns his head to a different set of blue eyes, wide and full of worry. Sebastian is moving his mouth and Anders has to blink harshly before the sounds comes to him. Why was it he could never have any nice dreams?

That smooth voice finally overpowers the ringing in his ears, “Anders! Anders! Wake up, love!”

“Sebastian? Where…?” Anders asks as he lifts himself to sit with his legs tucked under him. Sebastian sits down next him, moving his hands up and down the arms of his lover. Anders leans until his forehead is resting a warm shoulder. He closes his eyes. A bad memory. This is his life now, not like it was before.

“The living room. I just got home and you were crying and sobbing like you were dying.”

“I’m sorry.” Anders whispers into the soft material of the jacket Sebastian wears. The punk rock band, _Andraste and the Slaves_ , they had gone on their first date to see their show. He had gotten Sebastian that jacket, and Sebastian had given him a kitten. A new one since the old Justice...Anders shied away from that thought. Their last date was when Sebastian had taken him home and when the morning came, he never wanted Anders to leave. Anders hadn’t and it had been two years.

Sebastian hugged him softly, and ran his hands down the boney back. He hated how skinny Anders was. On Fenris or even Merrill, it was normal. On humans, this wasn’t healthy. Even Hawke had asked about it from time to time. Sebastian gave Anders a kiss on his temple and said, “You don’t have to apologize to me. Was it another...memory?”

Anders could feel his heart speed up. Sebastian didn’t deserve this. He didn’t need a broken lover who flinched at each harsh word or flinched at playful tickles. Anders felt his body start to shake and he tried to push Sebastian away so he wouldn’t feel it, “Yes.”

“Anders?” Sebastian asked as Anders flew off the couch and then held onto his hair tightly, the other hand over his heart. He was bent semi-double and gasping for air.

“I-I-I can’t breath!”

Sebastian jumped up and removed the hands of his lover from his person and held onto them. He pushed into in a hug, chest to back, and wrapped his arms around him. With one hand, he held Anders away from himself, with the other, he placed it over Anders heart and spoke softly in his ear, “Love, love, feel my chest. Breath with me. Take a deep breath.”

“I-I-I-” Anders sobbed out.

“I have you. Just follow my breathing. Take a deep breath. Hold it,” Anders did a poor job of it, but he did try and Sebastian knew that this wasn’t a mild attack, “and now let go.” They did this for a long time. Their bodies finding a way to the floor. Justice curled at their feet, waiting. It was very dark when Anders turned his head and gave Sebastian a little kiss at the corner of his jaw.

“I’m sorry, Seb.”

“You don’t ever have to be sorry about the abuse you suffered. Your abuser should be the one who is sorry.” 


End file.
